New Year's Resolutions

This year as it being new, we have become aware of a phenomina iin which people much like yourselves practise a tradition of lying to your self in promising "New Year's Resolution" so in the honor we offer some things by in which and when if you'd like to resolve and perhaps retain.
Here they are. Resolve them for yourselves or pass on to friends as gifts...

Say with me...
This year as it is a new year, I resolve to:
1. Eat more cheese
2. Take more naps
3. Fix my immigration papers
4. Trick children into eatin chocolate Exlax
5. Get into the hip music scene
6. Have more Saturdays
7. Fixed my odd-numbered teeth
8. Quit smoking for 24 hours
9. Lose my car in a mall parking lot
10. Negotiate my way out of a dog mauling
11. Watch more families through their living room windos during primetime
12. Consult a pragmatist
13. Get a new phone
14. Get a life at Wal-Mart
15. Add improvements to my pants
16. Paint myself clear
17. Get a GPS for my time machine
18. Pretend that I'm blind in the bathroom
19. Stir it up with a redneck
20. Write illustrated "Where's Osama?" books for red-state toddlers
21. Meet any African head of state
22. Conquer my fears
23. Kidnap a "Fordsonite" jock
24. Cheer for the other team sometimes
25. Start a friendly arguement with a quadrapalegic
26. Blasphimse atheist beliefs
27. Ask a person of another ethnicity if I look like a rasict
28. Get involved in a proxy war between 3rd world countries
29. Ask an Arab if he knows where Bin Laden is with "It's your civic duty"
30. Fake an epileptic seisure in the rain in public
31. Help a gay man ween off pastels
32. Tell a native American to look on the bright side or go back to where he came from
33. Eat with my left molar more
34. Skydive in my bedroom
35. Volunteer as a partisan monitor in a mock election
36. Narrate your boss's actions as he gives a presentation
37. Do a play-by-play cammentary on paint drying
38. Break on through to the other side
39. Go out into a busy city street and beg strangers for change of pace
40. Be more crumblingly sad on the last day of 2008
41. Supplement my diet with more irony
42. Sing the praises of heavy-handed authority
43. Hunker down behind my couch in morbid fear
44. Wear white gym socks in the shower
45. Keep telling a lie until i believe it
46. Find more enjoyment in developing blisters
47. Paint the grass
48. Analyze Beavis and Butthead from a Marxist perspective
49. Change the dynamics of my family
50. Run for town drunk
51. Stare into the Sun more often
52. Ask a hobo for morphine
53. Ask a hippe for some cufflinks
54. Distort the fact of life
55. Teach a Republican interpretive dance
56. Change the weather
57. Establish a deep fried Sushi bar
58. Write children's books thhat take place in prison
59. Introduce hip-hop to Tibet
60. Laugh less
61. Frown upside down
62. Burn more books
63. Use hugging to communicate utter dispair
64. Fantasize more about co-workers
65. Repaint the grass
66. Go to a forest and wait for a tree to fall
67. Ask the ugliest person in the room to dance
68. Change your face
69. Rob a sperm bank
70. Have children watch Scarface as an introduction to rugged individualism
71. Read the George W. Bush translation of The Stranger
72. Stalk a serial killer
73. Push it to the limit
74. Demand more attention from the Press
75. Be the Decider more often
76. Do something about my lonliness
77. Lie about chopping down a cherry tree
78. Eat more un-cooked brownies
79. Make an effort to find more dependable drug dealer
80. Smoke more a whole lot
81. Take the family for a summer vacation in the abyss
82. Enjoy a donut every once in a while
83. Find out if my dog or cat is the better kisser
84. Be more in a trio with friends
85. Make an effort to be brunchy
86. Fast tune my thump
87. Watch coming of age stories to make sense of myself
88. Eat the marshmellowy part of the cigarette
89. Introduce native populations to the joy of fast food.
90. Break wood
91. Ask her about her lenghty sweater
92. Mimic high-school girls as a form of terror
93. Start a Fraggle Rock Night
94. Crack open a can of spam
95. Get a cool road sign from every drive home
96. Capitalize on woodchips
97. Patent my oragami fertalizer in a can
98. Fake a drawing to be closer to art crowd
99. Repaint the lawn but in a hip gray
100. Play tackle football at a mine field
101. Free a white person from their inherent lameness
102. Have an ehtnic friend introduce you to world music
103. See the light then turn it off
104. Starting tomorrow, wood paneling all around
105. Crawl through that little passageway
106. Discover the theraputic value of banging your head against the wall
107. Don't let her discover that I hate her
108. Mud wrestle with your shadow
109. Finally explain to her that my blood is not suckable
110. Face all the horses
111. Travel blindfolded through Yemen
112. Introduce extreme sports to the citizens of the Dahiye
113. Convince a horse to run for Senator
114. Combat stress with sleep deprivation
115. Marry foriegn girl in France and be French
116. Reignite the Freedom Fry trend
117. Seek a wide courtyard for aerobics
118. Practise Yoga ina burning building
119. Stop exercising so much
120. Take the scenic route, NOW!
121. Cry yourself to sleep in a jungle
122. Fastly depart by the new morning
123. Save the wayward youth from themsleves
124. Bring pigmies to meet the students
125. Laugh to the dialogue of every book read
126. Horse swallow sugar cubes
127. Snip every tuesday paper into confetti
128. Do chin-ups in doorway of your job
129. Become an apprentice to a bomb defuser
130. Use the word "fine" more often
131. Translate the "KamaSutra" into braile
132. Find a dark corner to chat with Andy Rooney
133. Power walk from a scene of a crime

We have returned!

A year has almost passed, and we, as doctors, find a great nessicitated call of reaching out and towards our fellow bloggers in possible reconnect to better aid and assist and to offer therapy.

Think of us as the fighter turn off the bull! Let your mind open to our learned ways to spear your disturbed horns.
Best of health, mental and otherwise